Time Well Wasted

Posted on by amandakelly296

Being in a long distance relationship, we figure out that the countdown is our best friend and worst enemy.
We avidly keep track of days until we get to see our partner, and because of that, the time happens to go 5000 times slower than it should.
It’s been a month and three days since I saw Leo last, and it’ll be three months and 17 days until I see him again. It doesn’t seem to be getting any closer…
So I’ve derived a collection of time wasting ideas that will get you through the days a little bit quicker!

1) Get a job!

Working full time or part time is the most effective way to make your days fly by. Whether you love your job or hate it, you’re preoccupying yourself for those 8 hours a day that you’d have probably spent at home wallowing in your own sadness.
I work at a daycare. It’s fast-paced and I’m always on my feet. I’ll be at work for nine hours, and it’ll feel like three!
And not only is it a good time waster, it’s good to accumulate some moolah for when your hubby does visit for special things like date night outings, or little getaways!

2) Join a Gym!

I know most of you probably already came up with the New Year’s resolution to get in shape, and maybe you haven’t had the motivation to do it. But let me tell you, two weeks of going regularly, and it’ll become a routine!
Some people will go to the gym for hours. Your focus will be on the movement of your body, and pushing yourself harder, instead of it being on the clock.
Still can’t get motivated to go to the gym? Get a gym buddy! People are 70% more likely to go to the gym when they have a buddy that motivates them to go!

3) Gym not your thing? Try some workout classes instead!

Many studios offer exercise programs that aren’t like the typical gyms. Maybe you’re more into yoga or Pilates. Maybe you’re a kickboxing type of person. Or maybe you’re a little risqué and want to try pole dancing.
Taking these classes a few times a week give you something else to look forward to, other than the day your partner comes to visit!
A bonus is that you’ll have a killer body to surprise them with when they arrive! (Just saying…)

4) Online Courses

So exercise isn’t your thing – it isn’t for many people. But you can enrol yourself in many different online courses that can take up to 10 hours or more of your time in a week.
Some Ivy League schools offer free certificate and specialization courses that you can take that you can sign up for at specified times that the courses run!
Not only are you wasting time, but you’re also being productive towards your future. You can’t go wrong with expanding your education!

5) Month-to-Month Classes

If online learning isn’t your thing, maybe sign up for a certificate/diploma course in your home town. These programs can last from a few weeks, to ten months. Personally, I’ve been looking at a few. Some college certified courses are offered in aesthetics, and many towns have bartending or cake decorating courses too! You can usually find an array of different courses to take (certificate or not), right in your town!
Some might be full time hours, and some might be part time, but either way, they waste time!

6) Take Up A Hobby!

Is there anything you’ve wanted to do that you haven’t gotten around to yet? Maybe it’s starting to paint, or maybe you’ve always wanted to play an instrument. Well, now is the time to start! If you have all of this time on your hands, better waste it doing something you’ve always wanted to do. There are no excuses now, just you and time! You can take up anything from music to writing to cooking, etc. The whole world is your possibility!

Wasting time doesn’t have to mean you sit on the couch with a bag of Doritos and watch Criminal Minds marathons all day. You can choose to be productive with your time and actually get some stuff done, because the reality is, they’re not going to be visiting any sooner, and the days aren’t going to move faster. All you can do is occupy yourself until that day does come! And trust me, the wait is worth it!

You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are

Posted on by amandakelly296

I’m starting to get annoyed with my friends.
The majority of them are in loving relationships with people living in the same town. But the majority of them complain on a daily basis about their partner. Most of the time, the complaints are stupid: “I saw him check this girl out,” or “She got my order wrong.”
But my friends don’t realize how lucky they are by just being able to hold the person they love.
I don’t want to call them insensitive – their hearts are in the right place – but it’s leading to that.
I can’t sit there with an empathetic face while my best friend tells me about how her boyfriend wouldn’t watch a chick flick with her on Friday night.
Of course, couples are always going to have problems – argue about the little things and get annoyed of their partners on a daily basis – but maybe if you took a step back to realize how lucky you are, you’d appreciate what you have.
I’d give anything to be able to lie on the same bed as Leo.
I know he would, too.

I guess some couples get so used to having each other around that they forget how meaningful that is in itself; just to have someone there who loves you that much must be the most amazing feeling in the world.

I can’t wait to have that.

So to all of you long term relationshippers out there, forget about the stupid little mistakes your partner makes, or the annoying habits they possess. The fact that you have someone so close and so special is the most amazing thing in the world. You have what millions of other people want. Take advantage of that!

Is It Time To Throw In The Towel?

Posted on by amandakelly296

Today, I was contacted by three of my exes. THREE. It’s like they all got the memo that I was in a relationship.

One of them, I loved so much. He and I only broke up because he was going away on a tour with his band, and wouldn’t be back for a while. We thought it was best.
He needed his freedom, I thought.

But he came home. And he messaged me today asking me to meet up.

So I brought it up to Leo. And we fought. A lot.

I started doubting the fact that I’ll have the money to see him. My hours got cut at work, and I’m still paying off my student debt.

If I don’t have the money to go see him, when will I get to?
It’s as if signs are telling me to crumble this relationship to the ground.

But I don’t want to walk away. I want to find a way, but I don’t want to go without seeing him.
We had so many plans this summer, and if I can’t afford it, they go down the shitter.

Is it time to close the book on our relationship?
I’m out of answers…

My Shitty Advice

Posted on by amandakelly296

Throughout the last chunk of time, I’ve learned quite a few things about surviving a long distance relationship.
I’d really like to share them with the hopes that it may help you decide whether you want to enter one or not, or maybe help you with your own long distance relationship if you’re involved in one.

As hard as a long distance relationship seems to be, it is so incredibly rewarding if you choose to stick it through.

1) Learn to communicate efficiently.
Communication is one of the most important things in a LDR. You have to realize that through text and phone calls, you can never perfectly determine the intentions of your spouse.
Through text, you can’t detect sarcasm, nor can you detect any tone of voice which leaves the possibility for misinterpretation.
Even when it comes to phone calls, you can’t see their face. You can’t read their expression, which means you can’t fully understand their intentions.
Knowing this, you have to work with your partner. Maybe a video call is the most sufficient way to communicate. If that doesn’t work for you, really taking the time to fully analyze and ask what things mean is very important for effective communication.

2) You’re going to fight for no reason.
I’ve noticed that sometimes, I just get mad and I don’t know why. But Leo is my easiest target to get mad at specifically. He does the same.
That’s when we’ll go at it for hours, arguing about who’s right about a topic that hasn’t even been established. But when I take a step back to reevaluate my perspective, I see that I’m not just randomly mad. I’m sad. I’m sad because he’s not here when I need him. Sure, he’ll pick up the phone whenever I call, but he’s not within arms reach. I can’t just lean my head on his shoulder or listen to his heart beat through his chest.
I get sad because regardless of having someone who loves me, I still feel alone. So that sadness turns into mindless anger.
Of course, the fights disperse and we end up loving each other again.

3) You fall so much faster.
We all grow up with the convention of wanting what we can’t have. But as we grow older, we slowly transition out of that phase and look for something solid.
Here’s the fun bit, though. A long distance relationship gives you both. Your partner is yours. You call them ‘baby’, they call you ‘sweetheart.’
You tell each other you love them, and you plan the most amazing dreams. But at the same time, you can’t have them. You try, and try, and try but they’re still miles away. You have them emotionally, but physically you don’t.
So you’re left with desire and dreams. You build up your hopes of how amazing it will be to see that person, be with that person in the same bed and wake up with them next to you. You live off of the dreams of your perfect wedding together, and your trips to visit their family. You desire that life that the two of you talk about. And while you talk, you fall more and more in love with the ideas.
In person, you may have ideas that just never happened. In distance, they can’t happen yet. So all you do is create that fantasy world with that person and design it to be more perfect than you could have ever hoped.
In your desires, you find yourself more and more in love with that person.

4) Not a Jealous Person? That’ll Change.
The reality here is that you live miles away and can’t keep tabs on your partner 24/7. You can’t see what they’re doing when they’re away from the screen.
It’s easy to get away with things if your partner is in another country. You don’t have mutual friends that will talk, you don’t really know their friends on a personal level, you’re left with having to trust them beyond all bounds.
I had this problem with Leo. He has this friend, let’s call her Sarah. He hangs out with her almost everyday. So my girl instincts kicked in and I creeped the hell out of her on Facebook. She’s gorgeous. And that’s when I got jealous. He’s off with this girl who he could never deny is beautiful. What if it’s something more?
The trick to getting through this is straight up asking your partner if there’s something to worry about.
You wouldn’t be in this relationship if you didn’t trust them on some level. So if they tell you it’s okay, just trust it.
I can’t promise anyone that it’ll always turn out okay, but if you just trust them, it’ll at least save you the anxiety and worry that would have come with feeling threatened.

5) Not A Breeze…
A long distance relationship may look like a breeze, but it takes a hell of a lot of dedication, pain and disappointment. This is why most long distance relationships fail; because love isn’t supposed to be so hard.
It’s easy to break communication with someone or cut all ties with someone who lives in another country. With social media, you can make it as if that person had never existed to you without even saying a word to them.
But you have to trust that when you put your heart out there, your partner isn’t going to just drop you the second things got hard. Cutting ties with someone in another country is a million times easier than cutting ties with someone in your town.
But the relationship itself takes a lot of work. You have to be able to stick through the fights. You have to keep up adequate conversation. You have to trust even when you don’t want to. You have to let yourself be vulnerable. You have to prove over the phone how much they mean to you.
When you need someone, they can’t be there in the way you want them to. They can’t take you for fancy dinners or ride the Ferris wheel with you. They can’t cuddle you in bed or go on a camping trip in the backyard with you.
It’s not easy being able to accept these things, especially when you see couples everywhere, holding hands, kissing, laughing. Sometimes that could make you feel like the loneliest person in the world. But you can persevere if you really make the effort. But the effort has to come from both ends. You BOTH have to be fully invested in the relationship to make that distance bearable.
It’s not that hard when you realize that you can face them in some online games like Words a With Friends, or watch the same movie together online. There are ways to make it work. It just takes some solid effort.

People may ask me if I’d still be with Leo if I knew all of this beforehand. Hell fucking yes.
Of course, it’s hard and I may get emotional a lot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love the guy to bits. He always knows what to say when I’m sad. He tries to come up with ways we can get through this together. My family loves him. I love his family. I love everything he is as a person. That short time that I was with him in person was the best time of my life. I didn’t have a care in the world. 4000 miles will never destroy that.

Besides, only four months until that son of a bitch is back in my arms for good!

Cyber Sex?

Posted on by amandakelly296

When I think of long distance relationships, I think of sappy phone calls, sending each other mail, Skyping until crazy hours in the morning and falling asleep to the sound of each other’s voices.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of that. But there’s more to it.
Yes, there’s plenty of fighting, and I swear I’m getting better and better at arguing my case whether I’m right or not.
The other missing aspect is something that keeps a relationship healthy: the physical aspect.
Yep, that’s right. Sex.

This part scares me when it comes to a long distance relationship. It scares me because I’m awkward, and I don’t feel comfortable with most of the options I’ve been given.

I can sext. But each message takes about half an hour to come up with because I have to Google sexy things to say.
With that said, there’s NO WAY I can be put in a situation where I have to talk dirty off of the top of my head!
I have the option of calling him and telling him all the things I’d do to him in some sexy voice while pretending to “play with myself”, which I know I’m too uncomfortable to do, or I can Skype him and… Show him things… WHICH IS EVEN WORSE.

I’ve tried to stick to the sexting; I’ve even sent a photo or two! But he says it doesn’t entirely satisfy his needs.

He knows I’m uncomfortable with it, so he told me we don’t have to do anything, but now I just feel bad because we’re not getting that intimacy level that he wants.

Does anyone know what I can do?!

Stress on Stress on Stress

Posted on by amandakelly296

Formal apology that I haven’t posted recently, but things took a temporary turn for the worst with Leo.

I envy couples in a LDR that haven’t met each other yet. They haven’t felt how amazing it is to be held by the one you love, kissed, or even sit next to. But I have, and that was taken away from me. I’m so grateful to have that time, but it was torn from me so quickly, I couldn’t even blink.

But Let’s go back:

Leo had been acting very ‘down-in-the-dumps’, and he didn’t hesitate to let me know. Of course, I told him to talk to me about it; that’s what you do when you’re in a relationship. I wanted him to know he could rely on me to be there for him through the hardest times.
So, we spoke on Skype for a while, and he told me he didn’t want to pursue the program he was taking in college and didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere.
He was incredibly emotional, and I didn’t know how to help him.
I told him that he has to follow his gut. If his gut told him not to pursue it, then don’t.
He went and told his parents. I didn’t hear from him for a couple days.
After tons of attempts to talk to him, he messaged me and we fought like cats and dogs.

We broke up.

For 15 hours.

You see, he told me about his depression, the fact that he’s an alcoholic (which I didn’t know), and his reluctance to come visit me in Canada.
We were at a standstill and we both reacted negatively. We said goodbye.

The next day, I woke up pissed off. After all of that, no way were we breaking up. So I sent him a message saying that he’s mad if he doesn’t think I’m going to be on his ass all the time about getting better, and that I’d end him if he didn’t respond to me.

We spoke on the phone once more and resolved our issues like adults.

That’s the thing. Being in a long distance relationship, communication is the key word. If you don’t have communication, you don’t have a relationship. And for all of you in a long distance relationship, you learn to me MASTERS in communicating.

On a very bright note, I’m happy to say that Leo has been hired to work at a summer camp that’s stationed 15 minutes from my home. The camp provided a work visa, and so he gets to stay in Canada with me all summer.

I couldn’t be happier!

You know, effort really pays off. If you don’t give up at the first… Second…. Or eighth hardship you face, something good will come of it.

If it’s meant to be, distance isn’t going to take a toll on your love.

But for all of you curious LDR couples out there, communication is also key for the missing sexual component in the relationship. I’ll cover that next time though. It’ll be quite the rant!

Day 7

Posted on by amandakelly296

I didn’t realize how tough a long distance relationship would actually be. It didn’t seem so hard until I went to my friend’s party last night, and everyone was coupled up.

There, I was able to see first-hand exactly what I was missing. The constant phone calls and skype chats are nice, but it’s not the same as being able to physically sit side-by-side with them, hold their hand, kiss their face, and lean your body against theirs like every other couple gets to do.

And not only that, it’s not easy to tell your friends that you’re in a relationship with someone 4000 miles away from you. You can actually feel the judgement that they have without them even saying anything.

“It’s not a real relationship.”

Excuse me, yes it is. A relationship is simply based on connection. Although ours is a viral connection, we still have one nonetheless.

I’ve noticed though, with this relationship, that I’m very reliant in keeping communication with him. We talk on the phone at least five times a day, which is completely insane because I hate talking on the phone. But for some reason, I don’t mind when I’m talking to him.

In four months, he’s coming to Canada. Four months. 120 days. I know it sounds greedy; people go much longer without seeing someone they love. But the fact is, that’s not my situation. I only have to go four months, but it seems like four years.

He’s sick right now, something is wrong with his stomach. He can’t keep anything down. Yet I have to sit here knowing that I can’t do anything to help him. It’s killing me. To see him on my computer monitor laying on his bed, paler than I’ve ever seen him, it’s in my instinct to want to help him and make him feel better.

BUT I CAN’T! All I can do is sit here and do nothing but tell him what he can do to feel better, all the while knowing that he’s too stubborn to actually do it.

God, this is hard.

Kudos to all those who are holding up a long distance relationship. You’re all tough friggin’ cookies. This shit is hard.

And So It Begins…

Posted on by amandakelly296

In the beginning of December, I made my way to Dublin, Ireland, as an escape from my life in Canada. Recently, I had been questioning my life path, hating who I was becoming, and found myself desperate with the idea of silently escaping to find myself.

So, I booked off work and hopped on a 12 hour commuting flight to Dublin. During my stay, I slept at a hostel all on my own, prepared to meet all kinds of people with all kinds of stories. I was hoping that with all the time I had to myself, I’d be able to recreate my own mindset and come back to Canada as a new person.

The first night of my stay, I participated in a pub crawl. You know what they say: when in Ireland, drink like the Irish do. 

And that’s what I planned on doing that night. But my plans were changed ever so slightly.

That’s when I met Leo.

The moment I saw him smile at me from across the room, something switched inside of me, as if a light had been switched on to illuminate a dark room. Something about the way he carried himself toward me had me instantly captivated, struggling to catch my breath. Dressed in long dark pants, a dress shirt and a blue tie, he guided himself toward me, gliding across the room with one assured step at a time.

Instantly, I felt the connection – one I’ve never felt before – and so began our mini fairytale.

Leo and I soon became inseparable, both knowing that my departure date was creeping up on us from behind the clock. But that didn’t stop us. It didn’t stop the intimacy and the passion that grew between us every moment we were together.

How can I explain it? Every time we kissed, it was like I couldn’t bare to pull away. I was the addict and he was my drug. Simple as that. But really, it actually isn’t so simple. The story hasn’t ended with an uplift of positive emotions, nor has it ended at all.

Leo and I spent every night together, sharing pints at the local pub or listening to live music around the town or window shopping at old thrift stores.

It didn’t matter what we did, it only mattered that we were together.

Two days before my departure date, Leo brought me to a pool bar. I suck at pool.

Nevertheless, it gave him the excuse to stand behind me, holding my body so close to his, aligning his hips with mine and holding the cue with me as his fingers gently interlocked over mine. The warmth of his body so close to mine gave me a sensation of security that I had never known. Nothing in the world mattered at that very moment. Only he and I existed in this universe, and I relaxed my body to move with the flow of his.

That was the night he told me that he was falling in love with me: December 22nd. And As much as I would have liked to say it back, I didn’t. He didn’t expect me to, nor was I able to. I couldn’t. I couldn’t give my heart up to a holiday fling. But that wasn’t all it was and I knew it.

The night continued with dancing the night away at an old Irish pub to the beat of Fairytale of New York by The Pogues and a crowd of cheering locals. But in the middle of all of that, time stopped.

There was no departure date, there was no time ticking too loudly in our heads, and there was no limit to the emotion that coursed through my veins, into my heart and flowing out my ears. There was no music playing, no crowd cheering, and no bar tenders pouring a pint for the “one-too-many” drunks.

It was the way he looked at me through those blue eyes that told me that he knew that we were meant to be in that moment exactly, together. And I found comfort in that.

I lost myself in the way that he existed so perfectly in sync with me.

He took me on the Luas back to my hostel and gave me one last warming kiss goodbye before he slipped something into my hand: A ring. A thick band of silver with small, three-embellishment designs wrapping around it. Each were equally placed from the other.

“It means past, present and future. You accept me regardless of my past, I love you in this present moment, and I will love you in the future.” And with that, he found his way back home.

I didn’t hesitate to put the ring on; it fit so perfectly on my index finger, and I liked it there. It felt like a part of him, and I held it in my hand; he was always with me.

Of course, I planned to see him the next day, my last day in Ireland.

We met up early in town to get the most out of our day. It was a cold morning, and although I had my winter jacket on, it wasn’t doing me much good.

“I brought you one of my sweaters because I knew you wouldn’t bring one.” I was beginning to get used to his compassionate ways. How he’d pull my hood up when my teeth started to chatter, or how he stayed up just to make sure I fall asleep okay, or how he always made me walk on his left side so he was always closer to the traffic.

He had forewarned me that we would be meeting up with two of his best friends, Daria and Jack. A few days prior, I had met his entire family due to an alcohol induced circumstance. I’d like to say that it went well… I hope.

Anyways, we went to the Jarvis Shopping Centre to meet up with his friends. Daria instantly started talking to me, which really made me feel welcomed. Jack, however, was stoned out of his mind which made him reluctant to start a conversation. He warmed up to me later, but what really stuck out to me was speaking to Daria. She and I had a moment alone and she told me about the way that Leo spoke of me, as if I were the most perfect person in the entire world. She truly believed that we were made perfectly for each other. Maybe I believe her; I know Leo does.

When Leo and Jack returned, I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. After hearing what Daria had to say about him, something persuaded me to notice the real potential in him.

We spent the night together. It was perfect. We held our bodies together, hearts beating in sync with the other, my head on his chest, and his head above mine.

He took me to the airport the next morning, held my hand so tightly the entire way there. He accompanied me through the lines to just before the departure gate. That was where we had to say goodbye. I pulled him in and kissed him.

It’s the way he carries himself, and the way he chats up anything and everything with a smile stretching from ear to ear. It’s the way he pulls me in tighter when I start to shiver, and the way he kisses each of my fingers independently, followed by a heartwarming kiss on the forehead. It’s the way he doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks about him, and the way that he only wants to make me smile. It’s the way that he gets so passionate about something that his entire face could light up a room, and the way he has taught me to believe in something beyond what I know, to believe in something real. It’s the way he sings to me in public just because he likes to see me blush, and the way he looks at me like no one else could ever matter to him.

I thought the purpose of this trip was to find myself, but really, I just needed to find him. He’s the reason I believe in love at first sight.

“I love you.” I said.

“I love you, too.” He tightened his grip around my body, and I held him for the last time.