In the beginning of December, I made my way to Dublin, Ireland, as an escape from my life in Canada. Recently, I had been questioning my life path, hating who I was becoming, and found myself desperate with the idea of silently escaping to find myself.
So, I booked off work and hopped on a 12 hour commuting flight to Dublin. During my stay, I slept at a hostel all on my own, prepared to meet all kinds of people with all kinds of stories. I was hoping that with all the time I had to myself, I’d be able to recreate my own mindset and come back to Canada as a new person.
The first night of my stay, I participated in a pub crawl. You know what they say: when in Ireland, drink like the Irish do.
And that’s what I planned on doing that night. But my plans were changed ever so slightly.
That’s when I met Leo.
The moment I saw him smile at me from across the room, something switched inside of me, as if a light had been switched on to illuminate a dark room. Something about the way he carried himself toward me had me instantly captivated, struggling to catch my breath. Dressed in long dark pants, a dress shirt and a blue tie, he guided himself toward me, gliding across the room with one assured step at a time.
Instantly, I felt the connection – one I’ve never felt before – and so began our mini fairytale.
Leo and I soon became inseparable, both knowing that my departure date was creeping up on us from behind the clock. But that didn’t stop us. It didn’t stop the intimacy and the passion that grew between us every moment we were together.
How can I explain it? Every time we kissed, it was like I couldn’t bare to pull away. I was the addict and he was my drug. Simple as that. But really, it actually isn’t so simple. The story hasn’t ended with an uplift of positive emotions, nor has it ended at all.
Leo and I spent every night together, sharing pints at the local pub or listening to live music around the town or window shopping at old thrift stores.
It didn’t matter what we did, it only mattered that we were together.
Two days before my departure date, Leo brought me to a pool bar. I suck at pool.
Nevertheless, it gave him the excuse to stand behind me, holding my body so close to his, aligning his hips with mine and holding the cue with me as his fingers gently interlocked over mine. The warmth of his body so close to mine gave me a sensation of security that I had never known. Nothing in the world mattered at that very moment. Only he and I existed in this universe, and I relaxed my body to move with the flow of his.
That was the night he told me that he was falling in love with me: December 22nd. And As much as I would have liked to say it back, I didn’t. He didn’t expect me to, nor was I able to. I couldn’t. I couldn’t give my heart up to a holiday fling. But that wasn’t all it was and I knew it.
The night continued with dancing the night away at an old Irish pub to the beat of Fairytale of New York by The Pogues and a crowd of cheering locals. But in the middle of all of that, time stopped.
There was no departure date, there was no time ticking too loudly in our heads, and there was no limit to the emotion that coursed through my veins, into my heart and flowing out my ears. There was no music playing, no crowd cheering, and no bar tenders pouring a pint for the “one-too-many” drunks.
It was the way he looked at me through those blue eyes that told me that he knew that we were meant to be in that moment exactly, together. And I found comfort in that.
I lost myself in the way that he existed so perfectly in sync with me.
He took me on the Luas back to my hostel and gave me one last warming kiss goodbye before he slipped something into my hand: A ring. A thick band of silver with small, three-embellishment designs wrapping around it. Each were equally placed from the other.
“It means past, present and future. You accept me regardless of my past, I love you in this present moment, and I will love you in the future.” And with that, he found his way back home.
I didn’t hesitate to put the ring on; it fit so perfectly on my index finger, and I liked it there. It felt like a part of him, and I held it in my hand; he was always with me.
Of course, I planned to see him the next day, my last day in Ireland.
We met up early in town to get the most out of our day. It was a cold morning, and although I had my winter jacket on, it wasn’t doing me much good.
“I brought you one of my sweaters because I knew you wouldn’t bring one.” I was beginning to get used to his compassionate ways. How he’d pull my hood up when my teeth started to chatter, or how he stayed up just to make sure I fall asleep okay, or how he always made me walk on his left side so he was always closer to the traffic.
He had forewarned me that we would be meeting up with two of his best friends, Daria and Jack. A few days prior, I had met his entire family due to an alcohol induced circumstance. I’d like to say that it went well… I hope.
Anyways, we went to the Jarvis Shopping Centre to meet up with his friends. Daria instantly started talking to me, which really made me feel welcomed. Jack, however, was stoned out of his mind which made him reluctant to start a conversation. He warmed up to me later, but what really stuck out to me was speaking to Daria. She and I had a moment alone and she told me about the way that Leo spoke of me, as if I were the most perfect person in the entire world. She truly believed that we were made perfectly for each other. Maybe I believe her; I know Leo does.
When Leo and Jack returned, I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. After hearing what Daria had to say about him, something persuaded me to notice the real potential in him.
We spent the night together. It was perfect. We held our bodies together, hearts beating in sync with the other, my head on his chest, and his head above mine.
He took me to the airport the next morning, held my hand so tightly the entire way there. He accompanied me through the lines to just before the departure gate. That was where we had to say goodbye. I pulled him in and kissed him.
It’s the way he carries himself, and the way he chats up anything and everything with a smile stretching from ear to ear. It’s the way he pulls me in tighter when I start to shiver, and the way he kisses each of my fingers independently, followed by a heartwarming kiss on the forehead. It’s the way he doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks about him, and the way that he only wants to make me smile. It’s the way that he gets so passionate about something that his entire face could light up a room, and the way he has taught me to believe in something beyond what I know, to believe in something real. It’s the way he sings to me in public just because he likes to see me blush, and the way he looks at me like no one else could ever matter to him.
I thought the purpose of this trip was to find myself, but really, I just needed to find him. He’s the reason I believe in love at first sight.
“I love you.” I said.
“I love you, too.” He tightened his grip around my body, and I held him for the last time.
Surviving A Long Distance Relationship 